A Mix of Characters #2: Knives, Fangs, and Phasers Flatlander (Danielle Ducrest) Disclaimers: The Simpsons belong to Fox. Buffy, the Vampire and Angel: The Series belong to Fox, Tombstone Pictures, and Joss Whedon. Angel: Redemption belongs to all of those people and Pocket Pulse. Star Trek: Movie Memories belongs to Paramount, Gene Roddenberry, and whoever published the book. No copyright infringement was intended. This story is a work of fiction, and was written solely for entertainment purposes, and no money was exchanged. June DeVall Pease, Jessica, Frank Ducrest, Janell Ducrest, and myself belong to ourselves. David belongs to himself, too, but does my every bidding, including giving up the Internet for me whenever I want it (I sigh contently at the dream, then sigh heavily when I realize it's not true). If you're actually reading this, you must be crazy. Didn't the last story convince you not to read this one? Anyway, all I want is compliments. Flames will be printed out and given to friends of mine's German Shepherd. Danielle rang the doorbell and stood on the thin concrete step, peering into the thin window set in the door. She always did this when she and her family went to her grandmother's. Her Grandmother, June DeVall Pease, a. k. a. Maw Maw, answered the door. In her hands was a Milton. The Persian cat was trying desperately to get out of Maw Maw's grasp. Finally, Maw Maw set him on the ground. She smiled at the Ducrests. "Why, hello!" The Ducrests walked into the house. Danielle said hi to her grandmother, and on her way to the table/tv room, she stopped in the living room to drop her book on one of the couches, then joined everyone near the table. Maw Maw's night nurse, Jessica, was fixing super in the kitchen. Janell, Danielle's mother and Maw Maw's daughter, went to help her. An hour later, they sat at the table covered with empty plates and glasses, talking. Danielle was daydreaming about the Angel book she was reading. It was on the couch in the other room. It was called Angel: Redemption, and was about an actress which plays a vampire on tv and was getting attacked by obsessed fans that though she really was a vampire. David was daydreaming about the Simpsons episode he'd watched before they'd gone to the Maw Maw's. Frank was day dreaming about Star Trek: Movie Memories by William Shatner, and mom was dreaming about yet another murder mystery. Then all four of them thought simultaneously, Man, I wish this was real… Maw Maw rubbed her eyes and said, "I think I'd better get to bed." Everyone at the table stood up. "We'd better get going anyway," Frank announced. "Bye, Maw Maw," Danielle told her grandmother, kissing her on the cheek. Maw Maw and Jessica went to Maw Maw's room, and the Ducrests started heading out the door. But when they reached the foyer, noise coming from the TV made them look back. The TV, which had been switched off for most of the evening, had turned back on again. It started on the preview channel, then switched, flipping from channel-to-channel every microsecond. Finally, it stopped on channel seventeen, klaf. The room filled with a very blinding light. The four looked away, and thought, Oh, no, not again… When they looked back at the tv, the light was gone. The tv screen showed the Simpson's house, all in two dimensional color. Homer J. Simpson stepped out of the house, burping loudly. He started walking forward to the mailbox. He almost made it to the metal box when his head smacked against the television set's glass. "Ow!" Homer cried out, backing away. He rubbed his bruised spot on his bald yellow head. He approached the glass again, reached out his hand, and knocked. A glass sound came out of the TV's speakers. "Hmmm…." Homer said. Then he took a step forward. His leg emerged in Maw Maw's TV room. The rest of Homer followed. He looked as computer generated as he did the last time he wandered around the third dimension. He saw the Ducrests and waved. "Hello, weird 3-D people," he said to them. His gaze landed on the counter behind the table, where Maw Maw had placed some chocolates. "Ohhh. Chocolate." Homer attacked the box of candy and ate greedily. The scene on the TV shifted again to reveal Angel and Buffy fighting off several vampires on the docks in the episode "Surprise." Angel was fighting with one vampire when the vamp with the glasses dropped the box containing the Judge's arm. Angel punched the vampire and ran after the legitimate one. He jumped on him, causing the vamp to fall… …and land face down on the hard, waxed marble floor in front of the television. The box slid across the floor, stopping only when it hit the chest of drawers Milton had been hiding under. Milton shrieked and ran for safety behind the couch. The other vampire ran through the screen and picked up the box. Danielle lifted the closest table chair to her. "Come on!" she told the other members of her family. David, Frank, and Janell grabbed legs and pulled. They succeeded in breaking the legs off the chair. Danielle broke the last one off and dropped the legless chair. Homer backed around the other side of the table, cowering, his mouth covered with chocolatety goodness "Here!" Danielle told Angel, tossing him her stake. He caught it and drove it into glasses boy's back and quickly got up before the vampire turned to dust. The vampire minion with the box tried to run past the Ducrests to get to the front door. Janell stuck her leg out, tripping the vamp. He fell face down on the floor, and box slid across it, hitting the umbrella holder. Angel ran past the Ducrests and waited. The other vampire got up and turned around. Angel kicked him, knocking him back against the coat closet's door. Before the minion could recover, Angel buried his stake in his heart, and the minion turned to dust. Angel turned to face the Ducrests. He glanced around his surroundings, and was about to ask a question when the scene on the television set changed yet again. This time, the background was white. A man with a hood obscuring his face from view stood there. He pulled out a knife and stepped through the screen. "Weren't you here last time?" Danielle asked. The knife guy shrugged. "The Powers That Be thought it would be an interesting twist if I came back, so I'm hear." He opened the knife. "And I'm out for more blood." Angel stood in front of the Ducrests in a battle stance, waiting. The scene on the TV changed again. This time, it showed Kirk and the rest of the Enterprise's crew on the bridge of the Starfleet vessel. It was a scene from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. They had just encountered the U. S. S. Reliant and discovered that it was raising its shields. Kirk ordered Sulu to raise the shields. Sulu responded, watching the view screen, "Too late." Phasers rocked the Enterprise. Sparks erupted from consoles, and crewmen flew out of their chairs. Kirk did, too, and landed… …right in the middle of Maw Maw's TV room. He did not hit the marble floor, however, because the knife guy softened his impact. The knife guy lost his knife when he fell, but he still tried to pry the Admiral off of him. Kirk defended himself and succeeded in locking the knife guy's arms behind his back. He pulled the knife guy to his feet and looked around. Angel turned to the Ducrests. The box containing the Judge's arm was under his arm. "Have any idea how we got here?" The Ducrests gestured to the television set. "How do we get back?" "The last time this happened, the scenes changed to show all of their worlds again, so I guess it'll happen this time, too," David answered. The scene on the TV did change again, showing the Simpson's house first. Homer ran toward the screen and stepped onto his lawn. The scene changed again, showing the docks. Buffy was floating in the water. "Buffy!" Angel cried out. He ran toward the screen. When he was back on the docks, he jumped off the side into the water. The scene changed yet again, this time showing the blank white screen. The knife guy elbowed Kirk, who released him, and walked through the screen. "'Til next time, Ducrests," he called behind him. When he was through, the scene changed to show the Enterprise crew trying to get back into their seats. "Well, I guess that's my cue," Kirk said. He straightened his uniform shirt. "Bye," he called, waving, then stepped through the glass. He landed in front of his chair, and sat down in it. The TV flipped through the channels again and turned off. There was silence for a long time. Jessica appeared from the hall. "Could you turn the TV down a little?" She asked. "I could hear it all the way down the hall." The Ducrests exchanged glances. "We'd better leave," Frank said. "Before something else happens." The others agreed, said goodbye to Jessica, and left. It took them two days of coaxing to get Milton to leave his safe haven behind the couch.